A new year. An unforgettable trip.
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The last few days have been a blazing blur. Brought in the new year with my best friend who lives in San Francisco. Almost like a dream; a mixture of emotions, a flurry of events. Some gut-busting laughs were had and even some slight tears were shed. A change of scenery. It was exactly what I needed.
During the first part of the trip I was stuck in some kind of self-contained world of pitiful sorrow. If I was a tree I’d be a weeping willow, ’cause that’s how I carried myself, swaying sullenly through the rough winds of change. Needless to say, I was in a sad state during the later part of 2011. Yikes. But then the trip to San Fran rolled about and I reunited with my best friend (after a whole year’s worth of facebook communication with lack of actual contact), Andii. It was like time had reversed, the continents had collided reforming pangea, and a baby Brachiosaurus was emerging unto a new world . I’m exaggerating, of course, but that’s how it felt. She coaxed me out of that funk and brought me back to my senses. Like panacea. Like a good friend who will waid through your petty complaints, sit through your bouts of quiet depression, and STAND FIRM to snap you out of it. What ensued was lots of fun…which might have been egged on with a little help from a most delightful liquer mishmash of Bailey’s and hot chocolate, and which might have explained some hangover-like symptoms, which I might have never experienced before. Then again it could’ve been all of the running and roaming about the city that would induce such bitter-throated and achy-muscled fantasticness. Who knows? Some things just can’t be explained. Like a sudden inclination to try my hand at some makeshift parkour.
The return.
“So, how was your new years?” The curious query from my boss. How could I answer that question? There was just too much, and to think, it was only a week and it felt like a lifetime. Change had happened.
Office chairs, corded phones, post-its, highlighters, pastel-colored walls, and voicemail. It was just as it had been before. Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely grateful that I have a job (especially in this rough economy) but office environments make me realize how much life can box a person in, which is just plain unnatural. Coming back was like a kick in the genitalia, a kick which made me feel a pang of nostalgia for the week that had passed, a kick from realizing a job for what it is–a job, a kick which made me see what I didn’t want out of life.
I asked my dad this question when I returned, “As you get older do you just accumulate more secrets?” He replied with a simple, “Yep. That’s how life goes.” Up until a few months ago I tried my best not to make mistakes, to get straight As, and to lead a life that society would deam “successful.” But what kind of life would I be making for myself if I strive for perfection? I wouldn’t learn anything.
A line from Finding Nemo comes to mind: “If nothing ever happens to him, then nothing will ever happen to him.” There’s no fun in that, there’s no adventure to be had if I refrain from making mistakes, if I refrain from experience. And for what reason? Fear. When it comes down to it, that’s all it is–fear. So, this year, with knowledge that fear is the only thing holding me back, I will try to conquer it. CLIMB over it and live.
